:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
