Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
