did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
