My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
