no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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