I'm so fucking centered right now
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
