Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
