Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Plan B is the new Plan A
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
