You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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