wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
