I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
