I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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