How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
