we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
