For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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