Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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