I seem to have left my pride at pride
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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