They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
