Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize