but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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