im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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