I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
