Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
