he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
