Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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