drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
