i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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