I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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