bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
