dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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