New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
