Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
