remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
