dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i wish my penis had a tongue
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
