i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
