Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
