My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize