ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
