In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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