I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
