Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
