I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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