haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
