Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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