i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
