Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
