I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
