Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
