apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
