After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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