My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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