Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
