90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize