so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
