It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
