grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
