I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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