Quick, to the slutcave!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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