Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
