I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
