If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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