you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
