I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Pooping to opera.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
