are you so shy because you have an std?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize