i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
