you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
