I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
