ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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